Dead Dog Story

It is said that the best writers are often the best listeners. While coming home on the subway last night, I heard the best/worst story. This was being told by a girlfriend to her disinterested boyfriend and was already degenerated several times having been heard from a friend of the friend of the person it actually happened to. Thus, like the childhood game of telephone, the validity of the following story and the facts within are spotty to say the least. The story goes as follows:

Apparently a girl (some girl, any girl, presumably in New York) had a pair of friends who had just gotten married. Upon embarking on their honeymoon, the newlyweds entrusted her with the responsibility of taking care of their dog. Sometime during their honeymoon the dog got sick (or already was sick, or some other reason that has nothing to do with illness- I don’t know for sure because this story was not explicitly being told to me, I was merely eavesdropping), and died. Panicking and not knowing what to do, the woman called the veterinarian. The vet told her to bring the dog to his office so it could either be kept or cremated or buried or whatever it is they do with dead pets. Being that this is New York, the woman obviously did not have a car and thus had to use the only other form of transportation available to her (apart from a cab or getting a ride from a friend)… the subway. As per instructions of the vet, the woman put the dead dog in a plastic trash bag and brought it on the subway. Having a considerable amount of trouble caring the bag, as it was x pounds of -pun not intended- dead weight, a man walked over and asked if he could help her with it. “No,” she insisted, “I have it, but thanks for asking.” The man was adamant and continued to offer her help. Eventually she gave in, and handed him the bag. Upon taking hold of it, the man instantly ran off with the bag… with the dead dog in it. Shocked, the woman didn’t know what to do. She was soon approached by a police officer who asked if he had seen correctly, that her bag had just been stolen. After telling him it had been, the officer then asked why she didn’t chase the man. This led the woman to explain the contents of the bag and why she was in no rush to retrieve it. After filling out a report and going home she then had to figure out one last thing; how she was going to explain to her newlywed friends that not only their dog had died, but that it’s dead body had been stolen from her.

I wish I was making this up.

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